On Audre Lorde and Self-Care

I have always struggled with taking care of myself.

Not only do I put the needs of others first, I find it challenging to spend time in “treating myself” in ways that actually take care of me. It’s easier to disappear into a pile of blankets and watch The Good Place for the fifth time than it is to engage with what I actually need.

But I am learning to see self-care as Audre Lorde did – an act of self-preservation.

As a disabled person, I have to prioritize caring for myself in a way that others don’t. Doctor’s appointments ad nauseum, researching specialists and treatments, managing my many medications, tracking symptoms and possible triggers.

Respecting my limits so I can go on to fight another day.

I like to think this is the kind of political warfare Audre Lorde meant – keeping yourself alive despite the forces trying to destroy you.

I have been on the internet for too long

Now that we know each other, maybe I can explain the point of this blog.

That’s a strong maybe.

I started blogging in 2002. Back then, my friends and I shared our innermost thoughts and all that hot goss—passive-aggressively, of course—on Xanga.

(Which is still around somehow? Sometimes, I feel like a digital senior citizen.)

Since then, I have created too many blogs to enumerate here—mostly because I can’t remember half of them—on Livejournal, Tumblr, Blogspot, and Medium. The one site I’ve stuck with is WordPress, and let’s face it, that’s probably my one good decision after all these years of internet citizenship.

Most of my blogs have been online diaries, a smattering of personal meandering and half-assed poetry. They haven’t had much direction other than the direction of my life which, let’s face it, isn’t as interesting as it was when I was sixteen.

(No shade on my current self; it’s just that I spend most of most days at work, which I refuse to write about, and the rest of my time resting thanks to chronic illness. Not many want to read about that, and I don’t particularly want to write about that—at least, not exclusively.)

Instead of chronicling my daily life, I want this blog to be more of a meeting place for my head and my heart. I want to deep dive into topics that interest me, like personality tests or professional wrestling. I want to share factoids about random historical figures I’ve found on one of my many Wikipedia info-lust spirals. I want to catalog the research I’m doing for the novel I’ve just started writing. I want discuss books I’m reading or movies I’m watching. I want to write about Fleabag because OMG have you watched Fleabag?

Basically, I want this blog to make me seem much more remarkable that I actually (think) I am.

I promise my next post will be less meta (read: boring). In the meantime, enjoy one of my favourite videos from YouTube’s youth: